Breckinridge Elkins
11-19-2007, 02:26 AM
By Hu Jintao
Things have been pretty stressful in the office for me lately. The United States felt it justified to give uber-terrorist, the Dalai Lama, an award of merit, Mattel keeps sending back our carefully crafted toys (forcing us to resell them to the Eastern Bloc for a twentieth of the price), and to top it all off, some twit named Simon Goodley is pretending to be me speaking in English with a Japanese accent! What type of pathetic lowlife who’s not me would write a journal on the internet as if he were me? Come to think of it, what pathetic lowlife would not be me period?
Anyway, when things get me down like this, I like to take out a very inspirational photograph that I keep in my desk drawer for just such occasions:
http://www.newsgroper.com/w/wp-content/uploads/tankspiration.jpg
photo by e-strategy.com via flickr
People the world over have told me how much inspiration they have drawn from this famous photo. And how could they not? Look at this tiny, pathetic ingrate being towered over by four steel killing machines. This photo represents what can happen when one superiorly trained, fully outfitted legion of soldiers finds the courage to stand up to a stupid little free-thinking instigator. More importantly, this photograph reminds me that when I’ve got millions of warriors at my disposal aiming their guns at you, I can make a difference.
So where is “Mr. I Can Disrupt My Nation’s Military Operations And Spit In The Face Of Mao Tse Tung And Communism In General” now?
Well, I don’t know - his whereabouts have been a mystery since his moment of insubordination. But let’s just say I’ve got an inkling he’s not so far away, taking a very slow shower.
Ok, ok…So he’s been in the downstairs in the dungeon for the past 18 years undergoing excruciating Chinese water torture (we just call it water torture here). But let’s just keep that little morsel away from the prying ears of human rights organizations, shall we?
All this talk of him has gotten me in the mood for some flogging. Well, I’m off to the dungeon. Things are looking up already.
http://www.newsgroper.com/hu-jintao/2007/11/01/unfinished/#more-2507
Things have been pretty stressful in the office for me lately. The United States felt it justified to give uber-terrorist, the Dalai Lama, an award of merit, Mattel keeps sending back our carefully crafted toys (forcing us to resell them to the Eastern Bloc for a twentieth of the price), and to top it all off, some twit named Simon Goodley is pretending to be me speaking in English with a Japanese accent! What type of pathetic lowlife who’s not me would write a journal on the internet as if he were me? Come to think of it, what pathetic lowlife would not be me period?
Anyway, when things get me down like this, I like to take out a very inspirational photograph that I keep in my desk drawer for just such occasions:
http://www.newsgroper.com/w/wp-content/uploads/tankspiration.jpg
photo by e-strategy.com via flickr
People the world over have told me how much inspiration they have drawn from this famous photo. And how could they not? Look at this tiny, pathetic ingrate being towered over by four steel killing machines. This photo represents what can happen when one superiorly trained, fully outfitted legion of soldiers finds the courage to stand up to a stupid little free-thinking instigator. More importantly, this photograph reminds me that when I’ve got millions of warriors at my disposal aiming their guns at you, I can make a difference.
So where is “Mr. I Can Disrupt My Nation’s Military Operations And Spit In The Face Of Mao Tse Tung And Communism In General” now?
Well, I don’t know - his whereabouts have been a mystery since his moment of insubordination. But let’s just say I’ve got an inkling he’s not so far away, taking a very slow shower.
Ok, ok…So he’s been in the downstairs in the dungeon for the past 18 years undergoing excruciating Chinese water torture (we just call it water torture here). But let’s just keep that little morsel away from the prying ears of human rights organizations, shall we?
All this talk of him has gotten me in the mood for some flogging. Well, I’m off to the dungeon. Things are looking up already.
http://www.newsgroper.com/hu-jintao/2007/11/01/unfinished/#more-2507